i recall a conversation with Jo some time ago and apparently, she told me one should start planning for one’s wedding at least 1 1/2 – 2 years beforehand. mine’s gona be in december 2012, tentatively. well, then again, everything’s tentative until they come to pass, no? but i doubt i will have time to do all the preparation when i get back cos’ it’ll be my final semester and then i’ll have to sit for a 1-year bar course and finally get my career moving. it’ll be good to start thinking about what we want and perhaps hand it to a wedding planner to help us out. i can’t wait to get out of school and start working. i’m tired of studying (something i know i’ll miss when i’m working), watching the numbers in my bank account dwindle and of the big kids i have to put up with in class.

i’ve already found my choice photographer and Ju and i will be placing our deposits next year when i get back home. this guy we chanced upon on, has an eye for artistic, ad-like photography and somehow i find his style very similar to what my photojournalism tutor in poly, wayne umehara, taught us. we’re planning to have our wedding pictures taken when we fly over to perth for Ju’s graduation. would be nice to have our photographs taken where we fell crazy in love – it’s going to cost us, but i know it’s going to be worth it, capturing precious moments at spots we used to hang out.

we have a rough idea on venue so far, but the events person for this restaurant does not exactly make good PR material. it’ll be a nice, cosy and novel luncheon with closest friends and family, instead of the whole hotel ballroom routine. i’m terribly bored of the same chinese foodfare and the monotonous custom that most brides and grooms go through. really, the only difference at each wedding dinner i attend, is the couple who’s exchanging their vows. everything else is pretty much the same.

i don’t know how everything will work out but i think it’s good to talk it through occasionally and see how everything develops…i’m really excited for our big day and i can’t wait for the day that i am finally the blushing bride myself.

oh, and did i mention a fitted cheongsam is a must?

(cost: CAD$349.99, excl. 13% tax)
best thing to come out of canada next to south park, maple syrup and some say justin bieber (lol)…

and…

(cost: CAD$270, excl. 13% tax)
okay, this is from australia and canada is not exactly the best place to buy this, but i do need winter boots to keep my toes warm…

big ticket items for a student ‘supposedly’ on a self-imposed budget, if you ask me…plus the 1.3 exchange rate and the 13% tax does not help matters. i may postpone getting the phone till i’m in vancouver though since their provincial tax rates are slightly lower and i’m hoping the prices drop by then in december, but i’m most probably going to get my UGGs soon when i get the time to go down to the shops and try them on. i’ve always wanted them, but never had a need for them in singapore and i could never decide on which model i wanted.

shall control my shopping urges though, since niagara, montreal, vancouver, new york, michigan, seattle and washington is on my list of places that i will be travelling to over the next few months.

i realized that i have forgotten how to make friends and how to be a friend ever since i got so engrossed with going back to school. my classmates are younger, our backgrounds were significantly different (they went to JC and i went to poly) and i chose to just do my own things and focus on studies than to develop friendships. there were a few godsent people who i could talk to beyond the first couple of introductory lines, although i don’t think we will ever get to the extent of being best of friends. moreover, i had been struggling the last 2 years to catch up with my education as a mature student and believe me, it wasn’t easy to juggle, but God always came through for me each semester.

i had also reduced my circle of friends significantly after i got into a relationship with Ju and we chose to spend the weekends with family, at church and just simply chilling out with each other. not that it’s a bad thing, but i think as we get older, our priorities change. and as your relationship with someone grows, your priorities as a couple change and mould towards a compromise to each other’s. it’s not that we do not want to hang out with friends constantly, but somehow it was never our style to hang out with our groups of friends that we knew before each other and the friends which we used to hang out also started to change their priorities as they got older, got married or got busy.

our closeness as a couple made it a lot more difficult for the both of us to part when i had to leave for toronto. all of Ju’s and my weekends revolved around each other. what else do we do if we didn’t have each other? although i went out a few times for the last few weekends i was here to explore the city with my new friends, my heart and mind was back home with him. most people would call this ‘over-reliance’ on each other and i do not deny that we are indeed reliant on one another; but then again, what meaning is there in a relationship where two people don’t need each other?

i think the main thing for me now is to keep our relationship in constant prayer and let God guide me on how to strike a balance in my relationship with Ju while i’m here and he’s there for the next couple of months and for me to forge new friendships, even though i’m only here for 4 months. the people i have met and continued to meet every now and then has been awesome so far, and i think i should make an effort to meet more of them. they have been nothing but friendly and kind and the locals here have been mostly welcoming and warm, which is a stark difference from those at home. surprisingly, i have not met a singaporean here in a city that’s totally multicultural with everyone from all over the world, but it’s all good to get away from those at home for awhile.

as i blog, i’m simultaneously trying to work out my internal conflict on whether to go for an evening class that i’m really lazy to do so because i’m having my intensive classes this entire week (which converts to a multitude of readings that i can never finish)…and my course grade is based on my essay that i have to hand up and not the stuff that he covers in class…excuses, excuses, excuses…

and on the other hand, i hadn’t had time to do the readings for the 6pm class – so i guess the more i should attend classes and get a summary of what i had missed? if i start missing a class, i might just get into the habit of doing so? i know i’m here on exchange and i’m graded on a pass/fail basis which means that i can just do the bare minimum to pass, but i don’t think i’ll be too happy just to put in anything less than my 100%.

i don’t know man. i hate to skip classes – i just don’t think it’s me to do so, but the weather conditions outside and the pile of readings due for tomorrow’s classes doesn’t make it easy for me to decide. sigh.

i think i’ll just go for classes. whatever. sorry you had to read through this entry and watch me talk myself out of my dilemma and into going for classes – it probably didn’t make sense. lol.

took the happenings of my life offline for a good 6 months. i don’t need everyone to know me that well and follow my inner thoughts, just the precious few people whom i hold close to my heart. i don’t give a damn about popularity ratings with others, unlike some, who are attention-deficit and crave for any and every ounce of attention and then shout about it from their high horses when they receive it. in the midst of striving for all the wrong reasons, i think these people lost their souls.

generally, i rather open myself up to people that i find simple, without any hidden agenda and are truly themselves when they are with me. i can do without juggling multiple/split personalities and people that i cannot fathom – those that say one thing yet do another.

for now, i’m glad to be away for awhile to meet new people, make new friends and lead a life immersed in a totally different culture. God is truly good, in all places, all the time.

i think i must have completed more than a hundred essays in my whole lifetime of studying and i can’t tell you how bored i am churning out another. this is probably a sign that i am not cut out to be in the academia field in future.

while i’m trying to keep my focus on the stupid essay and the numerous readings that accompanies it, my beloved bf is majorly snoring behind me after a full meal and a bunch of white birds are leisurely flying across the sky outside my window en route to jurong bird park or something.

yea yea, rub it in. grr…

OR

$10,000 + 1 semester of NUS in U of T (finish school in mid 2011) + 4 months away from Ju/family = LL.B from NUS

if only this was as easy to decide as if it was Set A & Set B on a restaurant menu…

just when i was fretting over the above, i read today’s daily devotional by pastor prince below. if you’re also similarly facing a crossroad and you’re wondering which path to take, i hope God speaks to you through the message:

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What Is On Your Heart?

Hebrews 8:10
10“… I will put My laws in their mind and write them on their hearts…”

Many of us have been taught that we cannot trust our hearts. We quote verses like “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked…” (Jeremiah 17:9), not knowing that Jeremiah was referring to the man who had not received Jesus as his Lord and Savior.

I have had people come to me and say, “Pastor Prince, I don’t know what I should do with my life.”

“What is on your heart?” I asked one of them.

“I would love to work among children.”

“Then work among children!”

“But I am waiting on the Lord to tell me to do that.”

“Well, He has given you the desire, so go and work among children!”

“But the desire comes from my heart. How do I know if it is of God?”

My friend, once you are saved, you have a brand new heart (Ezekiel 36:26), and you can trust the promptings of your heart because God dwells in you and He leads you from within. And don’t worry because His promptings will never contradict His Word. It will lead you to good success.

Often, you find that when you follow your inner promptings, it is actually God who has put those desires in your mind and written them on your heart. I remember years ago when I approached one of our church leaders and told him, “I really think that you are called to be a full-time pastor.” It turned out to be a confirmation of what he already knew on the inside. You see, God was already leading him from within. Today, he is one of our full-time pastors.

If you enjoy something and desire to do it, then go for it! Go with the flow. God Himself says that He will guide us from within. Let’s not doubt Him. And don’t worry about the outcome. Your part is just to follow the flow. God’s part is to work in you both the willingness and the performance of it! (Philippians 2:13)

Beloved, because God has given you a new heart, He will write His desires on it. And as you fulfill these desires, you will bring forth fruit, and not wither and die. Whatever you do will prosper!

today’s one of them.

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conversation soon became as awkward back then as it still is now. the inherent tension of wanting to communicate and yet having to hold back, both intriguing and frustrating all at the same time.

many words were left unspoken, many questions were left unanswered, and maybe it’s better this way.

heard this line being emphasized at a lecture today and i thought very long and hard about it. well, i used to be a whole lot nicer than i think i am today, but the overly-competitive environment and the fact that i’ve witnessed how many of my classmates seem to want some short-term gain from you without committing to a genuine friendship left me skeptical and distant from most people. i still try to be nice, every now and then, but i know there is a limit i want to put to it, lest some freeloader thinks i can be taken for a fool and get easily ripped off.

i decided long ago to leave my ‘niceties’ to the friends that i already made in my growing up years and still keep in touch with till today. these are people who i shared years of laughter, fun and tears with, people whom i’ve worked with before, understands me as a person, as a friend and my ways of thinking and do not look at me with suspicious/cautious eyes. i am a very simple person, to begin with – i speak my mind freely and my emotions are all over my face, unmistakable.

anyway, i think up till today, i do not really have any regrets not being very close to anyone in school particularly because i guess it’s easier to handle work efficiently and smoothly without getting too much emotions in the way. people come and go all the time. i must probably sound like a very cold person, but i leave it to others to make out for themselves what kind of person i am. as long as the ones closest to me know the truth about me, nothing else really matters.