for the last 3 years…

you stood, sat and laid by me in good and bad times…

 you would break into a charming smile whenever i burst out laughing…

you followed me tirelessly time after time when i get pissed and stomped off…

you somehow managed to always find me whenever i pull off my stunts as an escape artist and wanted to be lost yet secretly wished to be found…

you never failed to hold my hand back when things between us got too difficult for me to handle and i wanted to bolt…

you brought me so many flowers until my mum threatened me countlessly that she was going to throw all the dried flowers that i keep and scold you if you were going to bring me any more fresh bouquets…

you interlocked your fingers with mine and made me feel reassured whenever i felt low and small about myself…

you prayed the longest prayers for me and for us…

you gave me secret goodnight pecks when you thought i was fast asleep…

you made me smile and laugh when i thought i’ve long forgotten how to…

you drove me around day and night to wherever i wanted to go even though you still prefer to be driven…

you experienced my pain of going through mountains of notes preparing for exams and classes even though you didn’t have to since you’ve put school behind you…

you got me lots of food, making sure i never go hungry always…

you always dabao-ed for me my lemon red tea with pearl and no ice from cup walker every sunday and hand-deliver it with love to me…

you squeezed all my pimples whenever i got pimply and dug my ears clean of dirt whenever i could not hear properly…

you bought me nice, big, shiny stones and metals to hang around my neck and my wrist…

you didn’t embarrass me in front of others even though you thought that i behaved like a total fool…

you’ve done so many things that i want to thank and appreciate you for, but most importantly…

you’ve brought into my life the warmth of the bright morning sun to melt the coldness in my heart, loved and accepted me whole-heartedly for who i am…

what would i do without you?

happy anniversary once again, my love

irate

i’m so furious tonight i think i might just eat anyone and anything that gets in my way of studying. just got out of a family quarrel with my bro a few hours ago, an extremely childish one which i have no idea why i even bother to entertain in the first place.

it all started with me accidentally knocking over my mum’s glass plaque, some long-service award which her company gave her, while i was trying to close the window cos’ it started raining and i was studying at her desk because i couldn’t concentrate in my own room (yes, i have a habit of moving around like a refugee from place to place to study for exams). i was horribly guilty and when she called home, i seized the opportunity to explain what had happened and apologised for my carelessness. as expected, she wasn’t too happy to hear the news, but nevertheless, did not pursue the matter further even after she came back and saw the damage done (couple of chipped portions). yikes. 

and i thought that was that, case closed, matter rested. but noooooooo…my brother, in full super-hero demeanour, marched out to the living room where i was having my dinner and demanded to know why i threw away the chipped pieces as he would be able to glue it back for my mum. his accusatory tone was quite close to telling me that i had done something so wrong, so wrong that i should be burnt in hell for the rest of my life. so i explained to him that most of it had became powder fragments and i had to clean it up and discard it quickly, lest it cut anyone’s hands by accident. he didn’t seem to accept the explanation, went on to lecture me on how the award was so precious to my mum and asked me for a second time why i discarded the chipped pieces. this was when my patience snapped because his question was stupid, illogical and his persistence in pestering me for some other more satisfactory answer just irked me when i had already explained to him my reasons. i didn’t see why i needed to entertain his interrogatories to begin with when my mum didn’t even open her mouth since it was her award in the first place after all. i started asking him if he had some motive for questioning me like he did, and what he hoped to achieve from doing what he was doing and he started hurling accusations that i was being defensive and my attitude sucks and i was like…??? where did all that come from? i never ever give my brother a chance to hurl abuse in my face without rebutting because i knew he would take it for granted that he could do so in future, just like he does to my mum and dad. so there, the shouting ensued for a few minutes before mum came out and yelled at us to cut the racket. and i continued to watch tv and have my dinner in peace.

after resuming my studies at my mum’s room shortly, Ju called and while i was relating the entire scenario of what had happened to him (as all gfs would complain to their bfs), my bro eavesdropped, marched in and started part 2 of world war 3 in my house. i told him firmly that i would get my mum’s plaque done up again so she wouldn’t have to look at a chipped one and i thought that would solve matters once and for all when he demanded that it wouldn’t be the same because she wouldn’t be receiving the same award from the minister who presented it to her…to cut the long story short, more shouting continued (this time with mum yelling), doors slamming and finally my bro threatened to beat me up through my closed door and announced to my mum that people with such arrogance and bad attitude should be erradicated from society. this was when i decided i had had enough of his crap. i came out, put my face in his face and challenged him to carry out his threat. mum panicked, and announced that she’ll call 999 if anyone laid a finger. i was just waiting for his threat to actualize, but he stood there like an idiot just staring back. more shouting continued and once again i told my bro right in his face that he is pretty much a good-for-nothing, having no achievement in his studies, and nothing else to shout about so he should really shut his trap. and oh, if he liked fixing stuffs so much, he should endeavour being a karanguni. i had enough of his shit, took my books and left the house. will be campin’ at Ju’s and at the uni over the next few days.

did some reflection on the entire incident and i just don’t understand how come my bro turned out so different from me (except for the part that we can be quite obstinate and quarrelsome). but other than that, we are worlds apart and i find that i still can’t relate to him after 19 years of his existence in my life. is it an age gap thing? is it some personality disorder thing that he obtained from shutting himself in his room for too long? i have no idea and i don’t think my ties with him can ever go very far since deep down i really despise his laziness, on how he aggrieves my parents, especially my mum, who puts so much hope on him to do well in school (yet he keeps failing his A levels cos’ he is totally hooked on anime) and how he is a pretty rude, opinionated and anti-social guy with few friends to account for that fact.

on a morbid note, i wonder if i will regret having such a poor relationship with my brother if he were to die anytime now. honestly, i don’t know the answer to that and i don’t deny that i don’t make a good elder sister. anyway, more urgent things on hand to attend to for now, so everything else will just have to take a backseat, like it or not.

i believe if things between us are ever meant to be mended, god will fix the broken, chipped-off pieces for us one day.

i’m the luckiest girl on earth

after this blog entry, i’d have officially made myself a few more enemies because i am totally feeling on top of the world right now…*prances around for joy*

reason? no la, Ju didn’t just propose to me. but close to making me that happy, he just delivered home-cooked (courtesy of my care group hosts, fiona and victor) ipoh hor fun which he dabao-ed for me all the way from orchard to my doorstep in punggol right after care group. this calls for an awwwww…

and here i am, slurping up my precious supper which will help me survive through the entire night’s worth of muggin’ for my upcoming contracts exam, a killer paper which i have zero motivation but no choice to study really really hard for, since it’s an integral part of my course. and in shitty times like these, it’s SO good to be pampered with delicious food!!!

anyway, i just want to shout out to the bf once again, thanks for being so extremely sweet and thoughtful!!! i love the extra extra extra mushrooms too, awesome!!! *yum*

are you His right hand [wo]man?

here’s the link to an inspiring post that every christian should read and especially more so if your cup of faith seems to be getting dry…i felt so renewed and refreshed by this guy’s perspective in his post about his recent revelation. (p.s. - if you’re a single lady looking for a man, you’d be most delighted to know that the same guy who is looking for a girl to be on his right arm, shamelessly declares to have been “charming the bark off trees since 1987″ back on his own blog. haha…so cute! too bad he doesn’t place a picture of himself to bring that point home to his female readers and perhaps bring his female readers home to that point as well (lol).) 

anyway, i haven’t read anything like this in alwhile and boy, it felt good to be reassured of our position of authority as a child of god. i feel like a happy girl of god again and somehow, after not attending church for the entire semester due to multiple assignments and readings thicker than the fats accumulated at my tummy from munching tidbits and downing endless cups of bubble tea from cup walker, i am starting to have a slight inkling of looking forward to going back to church during the hols.

my ‘dry-daughter’ (direct and deliberately wrong translation from the chinese pronunciation of ‘god-daughter’) angel seems to be like some sorta’ editor or blogmaster for this christian website which allows girls mostly (although they do invite guys to blog too), to share your christian experiences if you are dying to spread some important revelation around the christian sisterhood…

and yes, if you were starting to scratch your head to think how come i am old enough at 24 to be someone else’s ‘godma’, my ‘godma-goddaughter ties’ with angel go wayyy back to the secondary school days where everyone was someone else’s ‘laogong’, ‘laopo’, ‘godma’, ‘godpa’, ‘mummy’, ‘daddy’, ‘korkor’, ‘meimei’ (you get the gist). i have absolutely no idea why everyone wanted to be ‘family’ so loosely back then, come to think of it. it seemed somewhat incestuous now that we’re all grown up and lookin’ back…haha…

if you’re keen on sharing a thought or two, pop the dry-daughter angel an email @ potsandkisses@gmail.com.

now, go read that post that i was telling you about. shoo!

the woes of high-rise living

WOOHOO!!! my first paper is officially over and genie and i were quite pleased with how the questions turned out and more importantly, how our answers turned out as well. i’ll just have to leave it in the Lord’s hands to hopefully secure for myself a nice-looking alphabet on my transcript, preferably the first of the 26 alphabets would be really, really nice…*daydreams*

anyway, update on my horrible neighbours upstairs that i absolutely do not have an affinity with: yes, the irritating piercing sounds of marbles dropping have been reduced drastically, but not without replacing the noise with furniture being dragged about, or other stuffs dropping occasionally, which echoes right into my room. *rolls eyes*

i guess it’s either:
a) my neighbours are quite insecure about not making their presence known, which is why they have to announce their existence with such loud, annoying means;

b) they have butter-fingers – yes, the whole brood of them probably feel uncomfortable unless they let slip something through their fingers every other day;

c) as genie suggests, they need to move furniture to clean the nooks and crannies – which means they have no brains to plan properly when they first moved in (buy furniture on wheels if you’re such a clean freak that you just have to get to that piece of cobweb behind the huge wardrobe); or

d) the walls and floors that hdb used to construct our flats are so paper-thin because they decided to cut costs (at this point, i was about to scream ‘cheapskate’ but lest i get a defamatory suit slapped on me, i take that back altogether).

whatever it is, they don’t appeal to me as very intelligent or nice people since they took to sticking a notice outside my main door to inform us that they were intending to wash their air-con ledge and wanted us to keep our clothes in. i thought their intentions were good (i give them credit for that), but it was only polite for them to inform us personally or if not, fold the note and slot it underneath my door or at the grills of my gate if they wanted to convey that message to my family alone and not paste it right outside my door, as if one of us had received a court summons!!! what an unpleasant experience i got when i was out on my way to school and i saw this white piece of paper with type-written words announcing to us what they were intending to do and what they were requesting for us to do.

pasting notices without permission on another’s property is also illegal, and i was half-minded to inform them that they should think of the consequences of their actions before they do anything in future but i decided that it would take too much effort to educate such people. and besides, mum didn’t want any further confrontation with them so i was told to TOLERATE. and yes, TOLERATE i shall (yoda-style)! *looks for some white bandage and writes a huge 忍 to tie over my forehead*.

obviously, patience is not my virtue, not my middle name and definitely not in my blood.